Social Pressure to Eat During the Holidays
Making Aligned Choices in a Season That Pressures You to Conform
A couple of weeks ago, I asked my clients and Instagram community to share their biggest challenges heading into the holiday season. Many of them said they could use extra support around one thing in particular: the fear of being judged—or even ostracized—for choosing to eat more intentionally during the holidays. That’s what I want to talk about here.
Clients I have worked with in the past and present have done a lot of work with the goal of eating more intentionally, rebuilding their own body trust, and moving away from the ingrained diet culture messaging. And despite all the work and effort put in, many of them feel anxious about how they will handle the holiday season. Not just the one meal around Thanksgiving or Christmas, but also about all the parties, social events, and the nonstop parade of baked treats that people love to give and share around that time.
What isn’t talked about enough when people begin to shift their habits, their relationship with food, or how they care for their bodies, is that it’s often a quiet but powerful identity shift. And when we’re around family, friends, or coworkers who still expect us to eat and act like the old version of ourselves, things can get complicated. There’s often a quiet fear—of being teased, judged, questioned, or made to feel like we’re doing something wrong—just for making choices that feel more aligned with who we are now.
There’s a strange dynamic that can happen—especially around the holidays—where trying to honor your own body and create new boundaries can feel like you’re breaking some kind of unspoken agreement. Like you’re disrupting the “we all overeat together” ritual that’s been passed down through generations. There’s a reason boundary-setting feels so vulnerable: as humans, we need to feel like we belong. And when we go against the grain, even gently, it can trigger a deep fear of being left out, misunderstood, or unloved.
We’ve Been Taught That Overeating Is a Tradition
Holidays are complicated. They’re emotional. They’re steeped in nostalgia. And more often than not, they come with unspoken rules—many of which don’t serve us. They show up in simple yet profound ways that often have to do with belonging and they challenge the patterns we’re actively trying to rewrite.
A sibling who rolls their eyes when you skip the breadbasket or mutters “look who’s too good for bread now?”
A friend teasing “Don’t bring your diet to the cookie swap” or “You’re no fun anymore” when you pass on dessert.
A coworker at the Christmas party saying, “We’re all going to be hungover tomorrow anyway — might as well go big tonight.”
A grandmother who insists you’re “too thin” and pushes second helpings with a smile that feels more like a command.
A cousin joking loudly, “We’re all going to gain weight! You can detox in January — live a little now.”
An Aunt insisting, “It’s not Christmas without your mom’s pie — don’t ruin the tradition.”
What’s on the plate carries more than food—it holds pieces of identity, belonging, and emotion. If you’re a people-pleaser or a peacekeeper, it can be really hard not to cave—especially when you’re still finding your voice, and when drawing attention to your boundaries feels louder than you want it to.
What’s tricky (and sad) is that overeating during the holidays has been completely normalized, even celebrated. We make jokes about stretchy pants. We collectively groan about how “stuffed” we are. We wear the food coma like a badge of seasonal honor. And when someone breaks that pattern—by eating slowly, stopping when they’re full, or skipping something that doesn’t feel good—it can really ruffle feathers.
You’re Allowed to Choose Differently
But here’s the truth:
You’re not rejecting anyone by honoring yourself.
You’re not being ungrateful, selfish, or “on a diet” because you choose to eat with intention, mindfulness, or a greater sense of awareness than you ever had before.
That might mean eating the stuffing because it’s comforting and nostalgic and you genuinely want it.
It might mean passing on the pie because you’re full and you know you won’t enjoy it right now.
It might mean taking a pause before your meal to ask yourself what you need—not what’s expected.
Whatever it looks like, it’s not about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about deciding, ahead of time, to stay connected to your values and your body, even when the room gets noisy and overly opinionated.
And yes—sometimes that means navigating pushback. Because not everyone will understand. Some people will take it personally. Others will joke. A few might even feel judged by your choices—and that’s about them.
But that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means you’re doing it differently than you have before, and you’re going to have to learn to navigate these situations. It gets easier over time, but you have to take that uncomfortable and sometimes awkward first step in doing something different.
When Food Is a Proxy for Love
Food can be an act of love — but love shouldn’t require your self-abandonment in return. It’s one of the quiet challenges of the holiday season: navigating moments where declining food can feel like declining affection. You might hear things like:
“But I made this just for you.”
“You loved this last year.”
“Come on! It’s tradition!”
If you’re trying to maintain boundaries or tune into your own needs, it can feel really freaking hard. You don’t want to hurt anyone. You don’t want to be “that person.” But honoring your own needs doesn’t mean rejecting someone else’s care. It means trusting that true connection can withstand boundaries, and that your choices — even when they go against tradition or expectation — are still valid. You can receive the love behind the offer, even if you don’t say yes to the plate.
What if you could say:
“It looks amazing, and I can tell you put so much into it. I’m just full right now.”
“Can I take some home? I’d love to enjoy it when I can really savor it.”
“You’re such a beautiful cook. I can see how much care went into this.”
You can affirm the love without compromising yourself. You can receive the gesture—even if you don’t eat the food.
And if it gets awkward? That’s okay too. Awkward is survivable. Self-betrayal is not. You may want to come up with responses that could help you out ahead of time.
Reflect, Don’t Regret
One of the tools I often recommend—especially during this season—is a simple act of reflection. Ate Mate is a photo food journaling app that I use with almost all of my clients as a way to help with that.
In addition to food/mood check-ins, the app has the ability to create customized questions for yourself (or for your client, if you’re a coach like me) as well as drop in your own personal notes for each meal. Below are some sample questions that you might find helpful if you decide to try using reflection as a tool:
Were there any moments I felt disconnected from myself during the meal?
Did I feel free to make my own food choices, or was I trying to please others?
Did I stop eating when I was satisfied, or did I keep going out of obligation?
How did my body feel afterward — energized, sluggish, content, overfull?
Was there any guilt, shame, or self-judgment tied to what or how I ate?
What kind of support or self-talk would’ve helped me feel more grounded?
Did I feel seen and respected in my choices, or did I feel judged or misunderstood?
Was there a moment I wish I had said “no” — to seconds, to a drink, to dessert?
What would I like to remember or do differently next time I’m in a similar setting?
These are helpful questions around mindfulness, awareness and learning. Because every experience—every “I wish I hadn’t,” every “that felt right”—is simply data. And when we reflect with kindness and self-compassion instead of shame, we build trust. Not just with food, but with ourselves.
You Don’t Need to Earn Your Seat at the Table
This holiday season, you may find yourself in rooms where people are disrespecting your personal values. Where diet jokes fly, and food shame hides under the laughter. Where your attempt to listen to your body feels really difficult.
Remember this:
You’re allowed to eat (or NOT eat) whatever you want.
You’re allowed to eat with intention and stop when you’re full.
You’re allowed to say “no thank you” without ANY explanation.
You’re allowed to take care of yourself, even if others don’t understand.
If You Want Support, I’m Here
If any part of this resonated, know that you’re not alone. This is deep work. It touches on identity, boundaries, family systems, and the stories we carry about food and worth.
And you don’t have to sort it all out by yourself.
Through 1:1 coaching we work on these exact patterns. We build your capacity to stay grounded in rooms that want you to float. We practice scripts, reflections, and boundary tools that don’t just sound good in theory—they hold up at the holiday table.
If this is your season to eat with alignment and joy, I’d be honored to walk with you.
Let’s start rewriting the tradition together.